Antrenament psihologic
In seara asta am fost tentata sa intru intr-un joc psihologic cu o persoana pe care nici macar n-o cunosc. Am sesizat ca intrasem in jocul preferat al romanilor Al meu este mai bun decat al tau si am zambit aducand rapid reactia mea adulta la rampa.
Iata despre ce e vorba:
In mod sigur Al meu este mai bun decat al tau este unul dintre jocurile de baza, asa de mult raspandit incat prezenta sa coplesitoare poate sa ne impiedice sa vedem stupiditatea si inutilitatea lui. Este un joc in care pozitia “Eu sunt OK – Tu nu esti OK” devine evidenta.
Eu (Persecutorul) incerc sa-ti demonstrez ca ceva din mine, sau ceva ce eu posed, este mai bun decat ceea ce esti sau ai tu si te pun in pozitia de Victima. Variatiunile sunt practic infinite. Se trece de la lucruri relativ inofensive cum ar fi “catalogul meu este mai bun, mai complet, mai actual…”, “stiloul meu”, “haina mea”, la lucruri mult mai grave: ” religia mea”, “fiul meu”, “culoarea pielii”, si mai departe, la altele situate intre cele doua extreme: “masina mea”, “facultatea mea”, “lecturile mele”, ” prietenii mei” etc.
Eric Berne, cel ce a adus pentru prima data conceptul de “joc psihologic”, descrie aproximativ 50 de situatii tipice de comportament social si pentru a le face accesibile marelui public, el le explica folosind denumiri care sunt intelese de oricine.
In jocurile psihologice mecanismul de baza ramane acelasi, fie ca este vorba de o discutie intre soti, fie in relatia parinte-copil fie in relatiile de serviciu. Caracteristica jocurilor psihologice este de a se repeta cu o neplacuta regularitate.
Pe de alta parte, fiecare din noi are tendinta sa prefere unele jocuri fata de altele, in functie de mediu si de interlocutor.
“Avantajul”(beneficiul negativ) principal al unui joc psihologic consta in faptul ca persoanele implicate traiesc un moment “intens” fara ca nimic sa se imbunatateasca sau sa se rezolve.
In subsidiar se evita de fapt intimitatea psihologica.
Un ultim avantaj – fiind un joc psihologic si unul din cele mai bune moduri de a NU rezolva o problema – protagonistii pot reincepe “The best job” la infinit, fara a-si modifica pozitiile.
Sa vedem acum unele din cele mai comune si mai usor de recunoscut jocuri:
Da, dar..
Persoana cere o parere sau un sfat, dar respinge in mod sistematic tot ceea ce i se ofera, demonstrand, mai mult sau mai putin logic, ca in cazul sau solutia oferita nu va functiona (“Da, dar…”). Aceasta, pana cand persoanele care ofera sfaturi (Salvatorii) obosesc si intra in rolul de Persecutori (“Nu-ti va merge bine nimic. Cu atat mai rau pentru tine…”), iar el intra in rolul de Victima (“Nimeni nu ma intelege si nu vrea sa ma ajute cu adevarat”).
Tribunal (cel putin 3 jucatori)
Este un joc indeseobi “conjugal” dar se intalneste la toate nivelurile comerciale si profesionale. A, care traieste sau lucreaza cu B, profita de prezenta altor persoane pentru a-l critica aspru pe B (care poate fi sau nu prezent). Celelalte persoane iau pozitie in favoarea sau impotriva lui B care ramane, oricum, izolat in pozitia de victima.
Picior de lemn
Jucatorul care, in acest caz, se pune in pozitia de victima (“Cum pot eu sa fac ceva, nu vezi ca am un “picior de lemn””), sperand sa gaseasca un Salvator care sa se angajeze sa-i rezolve problemele.
Acest exemplu reprezinta metafora tuturor lipsurilor reale sau presupuse de care ne plangem si pe care le utilizam ca pretext pentru inactivitate („nu pot” ,”sunt prea scund”, “sunt negru”, “nu am bani”, “nu am studii”, “sunt…”, “nu sunt…”, “nu am…”)
Violul
Este situatia tipica in care femeia provoaca barbatul pentru ca apoi sa se retraga, spunandu-i ca este maniac si pervers si sustinand ca a fost inteleasa gresit.
De fapt, este jocul perfid al puterii – practicat la toate nivelurile – care consta in a manifesta disponibilitate fata de interlocutor, impingandu-l astfel sa se descopere, pentru ca apoi sa-l lovesti dupa ce a coborat garda.
Este unul din cele mai periculoase jocuri care, de obicei, provoaca reactii violente.
Asistentul social sau Incercam doar sa te ajut!
Joc la care recurge cineva care dovedeste un zel excesiv in a ajuta o persoana din familie, de la serviciu etc. (Salvator), pana cand obiectul unor atat de exagerate atentii este “asfixiat”. in acest moment, pozitia sa se schimba in aceea de Persecutor, culpabilizand Victima. (“Ce ingrat esti, incercam doar sa te ajut!”). Succesiv, s-ar putea pune in rolul de Victima chiar pe el insusi, lamentandu-se ca nimeni nu apreciaza eforturile sale.
Te-am prins, ticalosule !…
Consta in a observa modul in care se comporta (in munca, sau in societate) cineva pana cand se reuseste a se descoperi un defect. Acesta va fi apoi folosit pentru a pune in discutie interlocutorul ca persoana si a i se nega toate realizarile anterioare.
Cel care se pune in rolul Persecutorului nu este deloc interesat, in acest caz, de calitatea lucrului (altfel, ar colabora pentru gasirea solutiei), ci va cauta doar un pretext pentru critica. Veti observa, surprinzator, cat de numeroase sunt acele persoane care, negasind nici o neregula in activitatea pe care o desfasurati, vor fi dezamagite si critice, in loc sa va felicite…Acest joc il joaca cu succes si parintii care inteleg doar sa critice copiii uitand cu desavarsire sa-i laude.
Adevarul este ca, data fiind participarea inconstienta si avand ca principal obiectiv socializare si petrecerea timpului , iesirea dintr-un joc poate fi foarte dificila.
Ne-ar permite sa ne dam seama ca este mult mai constructiv sa ne folosim energiile pentru rezolvarea adevaratelor probleme (care, cu siguranta, nu lipsesc), mai degraba decat sa raspundem automat,dupa cum am fost programati: fie sa ne plangem continuu (Victima), fie sa incercam sa ne facem doriti ghicind nevoile altuia (Salvator), fie sa-i criticam, sa-i atacam, sa-i minimalizam pe ceilalti (Persecutor).
Va invit sa va folositi capacitatile de observare pentru a invata sa recunoasteti jocurile.
Daca va doriti sa descoperiti mai multe despre jocuri cititi minuata carte a lui Eric Berne “Jocuri pentru adulti”.
Camelia Dragomirescu
Sunt foarte impresionata de articolul acesta.
Nu stiam ca inconstient, suntem atat de “jucausi” in pretentiile noastre de persoane adulte si “serioase”.
Deosebit articolul de abia il astept pe urmatorul.
E un fapt cunoscut printre psihologi ca transferul si contratransferul este o “Muma Padurii” pentru practica noastra.Jocurile psihologice sunt o descriere a acestor doua concepte in ideea ca noi,psihoterapeutii, sa sesizam jocurile si sa straduim sa intram in ele. Ma bucur ca articolul a fost apreciat si promit sa revin cu alte detalii legate de jocuri.
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This is getting a bit more subjective, but I much prefer the Zune Marketplace. The interface is colorful, has more flair, and some cool features like ‘Mixview’ that let you quickly see related albums, songs, or other users related to what you’re listening to. Clicking on one of those will center on that item, and another set of “neighbors” will come into view, allowing you to navigate around exploring by similar artists, songs, or users. Speaking of users, the Zune “Social” is also great fun, letting you find others with shared tastes and becoming friends with them. You then can listen to a playlist created based on an amalgamation of what all your friends are listening to, which is also enjoyable. Those concerned with privacy will be relieved to know you can prevent the public from seeing your personal listening habits if you so choose.
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